Buffalo Bill and the Indians, or Sitting Bull's History Lesson: How unhealthy is this? Getting back story on A Wedding I read an Onion review of the box set it came in. The review mentioned biography of Altman. I tracked that down and started reading it, fittingly it’s thicker than the phone book.

So what Patrick McGilligan tells us in Robert Altman: Jumping off a Cliff is after Nashville Altman had so many project in the works he was never to focused on any one. Sounds like an Altman movie.

Altman due for a let down after his career highlight Nashville follows through with maniacal zeal in Buffalo Bill & the Indians. Every horribly paced, manipulative, heavy handed scene of this movie just screams “Oooh look at me I’m tearing down an icon of the American West! Aren’t I so daring?!” By 1976 demystification of the west was already well trodden ground, hell Altman had already done it in McCabe and Mrs. Miller, but he’s never been one to let familiarity dissuade him.

According to Altman Buffalo Bill was a egotistical, self promoter basing his career on dubious achievements and every scene in the movie plays out to hammer home the premise. It would be like an overrated critic’s pet director making a movie in 2076 devoted to revealing David Copperfield didn’t have magic powers.

Being adapted from a stage play and playing opposite and ever silent Sitting Bull it affords Paul Newman plenty of scenery chewing monologues. The portrayal of Cody is so degrading splicing in a latter Buffalo Bill dancing around with a mangina would not look out of place.

The plot revolves around Sitting Bull joining the Wild West show for the 1890’s equivalent of a casino greeting gig. He somehow wins the crowd over by riding out and just sitting on his horse.

The old stereotype of the American Indian now dead Altman dives headfirst into the presentation of the Native American as wise, dignified, in touch with nature a with much to teach the white man. Sitting Bull never says a word instead using a translator who does everything but cry a single tear at littering.

Making BB out to be a Paper Tiger might have worked better if that fact weren’t presented in the first frame with trademark Altman subtlety. You know, a story arc? Not that there’s any story here. My father took a still of me urinating on Custer’s grave when I was 3. I say it accomplished the same statement Altman was trying to make.

Fascinating.

Anyway I watched Pusher II and Pusher III and both were excellent. Obviously I preferred the entry that focused on Mads Mikkelsen's Tonny (though the third installment is the strongest overall), and he was just so very awesome in it. The story took a surprisingly heartbreaking turn, dude is every bit the fuckup loser everyone keeps telling him he is but you still are able to sympathize and root for him, because every one else is just that much more *awful*. Perahps the heartbreaking hotness blinded me.

Next up is Shortbus and Fast Food Nation.

I thought she was out fucking standing, and that movie shreds me everytime I watch it. Which isn't often, but it's so good I make other people watch it, when they're feeling good and bleak anyway.

Stranger Than Fiction, finally. Which I have to say I really enjoyed. Especially because of Emma. Emma love!

I just watched Stranger than Fiction a couple days ago and wasn't all that crazy about it. It was OK, just nothing I'd want to sit through more than once.

Did you do the Spock eyebrow with that?

The Dude you know we love you...but why are you doing this to yourself. I love Altman but you dont....its like self torture.

I think Dude is in some kind of depression because he lost the snake to his mongoose, the Superman to his Lex Luuthor. The dance is over and he's trying to relive past glories. Or maybe he wishes to take on the mantle, like that guy from Blake's Seven.

Aw. He lost his nemesis. I bet you secretley miss him dont you, dont you? Yeah, you do. Hell, I know if I lost that creepy girl who tries to steal my seat in Phys (yes, bitch I am talking about you, now MOVE) I'd be sad too.

Is that the same as self abuse?

Well Paul thomas Anderson hasn't got off his ass yet.

I think the problem is The Dude's been feeling inadequite.

I just rented Mike Judge's ill-fated Idiocracy. It wasn't funny as I had hoped, (And I think it suffers from "Does world building too well" syndrome...i.e. the society is so mind-numbing you kind of get restless during it) but it was an amazingly damning statement on our society and culture. It's easy to see why Fox cut the legs from underneath the project. It also take a lot of the product placement satire you see in Josie and Pussycats, and takes it to absolute new heights (or depths, depending on how you look at it) of parody. I wonder if these coprorations really new what Judge was using their logos for. (Fuddruckers eventually manifests to "Buttfuckers" and Starbucks become a chain of brothels) Gatorade may be the only one who looked at the script, as they were actually given an analog. (Basically the 26th century equivalenet to an Oil Company)

Popeye: Fuck the what, now?

You know what I think tipped the feds off to the fact Robert Evans was doing bucket fulls of blow? He had Robert Altman direct a fucking kids’ movie. For good measure they called in the songwriter from Midnight Cowboy. 1980 was a strange year for movies marketed towards kids, between Popeye and turning Flash Gordon into a gay bondage tape who knows what psychological damage is still playing out in my generation.

Keeping with that theme, the warden from Midnight Express plays Bluto. He’s a distant second in the annals of Cinematic prison bulls turned comic adaptation villains, but who could ever compare to Schlinger/J. Jonah Jammeson?

Back to the coke, Robin Williams bounces around like he has bugs crawling under his skin.

Altman is revered by actors and actresses (if nudity is any judge) and I think I know why. He’s like the proff that wanted to be the students friend, never had any homework, didn’t take attendance. Then next semester you were behind because you didn’t learn shit in his class and he left under a cloud of suspicion following rumors of nailing coeds.

Robin Williams running around without a leash isn’t a pleasant sight. Williams needs a shock collar and an invisible fence anyway.

Olive Oyl was the part Shelly Duvall was born to play. Shelly that ain’t a compliment.

Bad sound, mumbled dialogue, no plot, horribly paced jokes (a fatal weakness in a live action cartoon), overstuffed cast, one dimensional characters (that Altman specifically wanted). The sets are truly remarkable and survive to this day as a tourist trap on Malta and some of the songs are catchy.

Popeye coincided with the Coppola going insane in the Philippines, Cimmino bankrupting UA with Heaven’s Gate, et al. Now despite making a tidy profit Popeye was Altman’s career Waterloo. It’s as if the powers that be in Hollywood said “we got away with one there, let’s not chance another H.E.A.L.T.H.”

Bob was off to Elba for a decade.

I do think this is the review that's going to mean war, Dude. I'm just saying, if there's anything you learn from being on a film messageboard, it's that you're better off making fun of burn ward victims than childhood favorites.

You know what though? This was Sin City before there was Sin City, and I think the two movies should ever be bound as double features until someone rightfully makes a version of Annie where the characters have their irises digitally removed.

This is actually why Altman was perfect for Popeye. All the dialogue in the old Fleischer shorts is mumbled like that.

Dangerous Liaisons, just out of curiousity. I don't think I've ever seen John Malkovich in anything before, but he was quite impressive, and surprisingly very sexy. He really rocked all those powdered wigs and side-long glances. But the big reveal was Glenn Close. I think this is one of the best parts I've ever seen her in. The "win or die" speech she gives is awesome, and the looks on her face throughout the film (at the end, and when she realizes Valmont is in love with Madame Tourvel) are pitch-perfect.

Also, Michelle Pfeiffer is one of the gorgeous women who ever lived, as is Uma Thurman, but in a totally different way. As for Keanu Reeves... well, he was good comic relief.

I made the mistake of going to see Cruel Intentions with my mom (!!) when it came out (un. comfortable) and Malkovich's voice sounded very similar to Ryan Phillippe's to me. Actually, I guess it's the other way 'round.