Ryan Lochte is a hottie. Also, he and Michael Phelps are adorable together.

I've always had a soft spot for Michael Phelps, even though hes a butterface. Well, maybe a butterearsandpornstache.

I am so excited for the Olympics. So excited. I am the biggest Olympics freak I know. Summer, winter--doesn't matter. Love. The other day I was telling my roommate about that moment in the Atlanta games where the sprinter pulled his muscle (?) and collapsed on the track, and the guy's dad ran onto the track to help him to the finish line. Man, I started tearing up just thinking about it. I absolutely love those moments.

I wanted to go to Beijing to catch a couple of events, but post-school stuff and near-destitution have dictated otherwise. So I'll be watching pretty much anything NBC has to throw at me, but I love anything that has to do with water. Bring on the race-walking!

Who was the announcer at the last Summer Olympics who was so entertained by the "dancing horsies?" I loved her.

That was British runner Derek Redmond in the Barcelona Games.

Mary Carillo!

I'm hearing that Morgan Hamm was warned for failing a drug -*test*-('"). Apparently he had some prescribed anti-inflammatories in his system. But if they are prescribed, what's the problem?

And I'm weeping on the inside for Brendan Hansen not making the team in the 200m breast!

Didn't they used to show a lot more medal ceremonies, even when Americans weren't involved? I used to love hearing all the different national anthems, especially those of the smaller countries which you don't get to hear often.

My friend and I have a running joke about the Calvacade of Athlete Hardships. She is obsessed with women's gymnastics, so in the lead up to the Olympics I pester her with fake commentary that gets increasingly more tragic. Like, for example:

"Little Natalia was born in a forest clearing in Belarus to an itinerant lumberjack and his wife. Tragedy came early to Natalia when her parents were carried off by a pack of wolves shortly after her birth. Left to fend for herself, agile little Natalia learned to climb trees to forage for food. Raised by a family of bears until the age of five, it seemed like Natalia's luck would finally change when she was discovered by a troupe of traveling acrobats. Natalia joined her adopted family's circus act, and became a consummate performer. Then, tragedy struck Natalia's young life yet again, in the form of a highwire routine gone horribly awry. Once again left on her own, Natalia wandered the countryside, until she miraculously came upon a gymnastics training center. With the support of her tiny Belarussian village, Natalia was able to raise enough funds to travel to the Olympics with her trainer. Sadly, her trainer was tragically killed just last night in a freak pummel horse mishap. Tonight, Natalia vaults for him."

All narrated in appropriate hushed tones, of course.

And tinkly pianos! Don't forget the tinkly pianos!

Lucky girl. It could have been a remote cottage inhabited by a child-devouring witch.

Oh yeah, the Olympics are also great fodder for MST3k The Home Game. I don't think even the synchronized swimmers parents watch that event with a strait face. "I know you! I know you!"

Just try and watch diving without referencing the Triple Lindy.

Hah, and metaquoted, Francie. I wonder when Little Natalia'll write her memoir?

Yes, they did! It was great, too, hearing all the different anthems.

And hee! about Little Natalia.

*waves tiny Belarusian flag for Natalia*

I am dreading that one NBC reporter's (Jimmy something?) sob stories. If perky American gymnast had a spilt hair he's dusting off his color washed stock footage and Henry V soundtrack* to tell that epic tale in just under twenty minutes. Natalia's story would get the whispered aside from that guy with the crazy pompadour.

My excitement for the Summer Olympics depends on the weather. The last thing I want to think about in my dank, hot misery is a marathon. I'll probably watch whatever they air at 3 a.m. Last time it was volleyball. Go Russia!

*Seriously, I declare one drink per Battle of Agincourt. My liver can beat your liver.

During a news break on NBC during Wimbledon yesterday, they did a short piece on Dara Torres that gave the viewers a peek to what their Olympic coverage on her will be like: "She's old! OLD! Oldy McOlderson! So damn old! Old old old!" They pretty much hammered that fact into the ground in a couple of minutes covering her success in the Olympic trials. It was ridiculous!

On Sportscenter earlier tonight, a guy was already starting in with steroids talk about her. Well, at least she's getting the same shake by the media as male athletes on that front. Yay for equality...?

Yeah, the local radio talking heads on the p.m. sports drive were saying the same thing. The ex-NFL'er basically said he has no proof whatsoever, but that an athlete's performance does NOT improve as they get older, and that's all the proof he needs. I thought that was rather lame. Then again, he gets paid to fan the flames so it's not surprising.

And are they totally spacing on the technological wonder of the faster than skin suits? Because I'm sure that's aiding her as well as it's aiding all the young folks. It doesn't mean she isn't doping, but well, it's the obvious impact.

In particular it's Michelle Smith's tainted legacy.

Yeah I'd like the scourge of doping eliminated from sports, but Dick Pound alone made me hesitant to suport such a witch hunt.