Metaquotes

Thank you, Lady of Shalott!

Instant Monkeys in the X-Files Movie thread, on Chris Carter's storytelling style:

QUOTE

My friends and I (I took the occasion of the movie's release as an excuse to visit some friends who, long ago, used to be my X-Files buddies) invented a whole scenario where CC is at home cooking dinner and his wife calls and is like "Chris, should I pick up some red wine or something? What's for dinner?" and he's like "I CAN'T TELL YOU, IT WOULD RUIN EVERYTHING" and she's all, "I just need to know if I should get red wine or white wine. Also, do we need milk?" and he's like "I CAN'T REVEAL THAT, HONEY" and finally she gets home and he's got dinner hidden in a closet or something and she's like "for fuck's sake, can we please just eat?" and he blindfolds her and leads her to the dining room and spins her around and takes off the blindfold and finally pulls the sheet off the dinner and it's hot dogs.

This just totally cracked my shit up

QUOTE (Luftballoons @ July 29, 2008 03:13 pm)

Instant Monkeys in the X-Files Movie thread, on Chris Carter's storytelling style:

QUOTE

My friends and I (I took the occasion of the movie's release as an excuse to visit some friends who, long ago, used to be my X-Files buddies) invented a whole scenario where CC is at home cooking dinner and his wife calls and is like "Chris, should I pick up some red wine or something? What's for dinner?" and he's like "I CAN'T TELL YOU, IT WOULD RUIN EVERYTHING" and she's all, "I just need to know if I should get red wine or white wine. Also, do we need milk?" and he's like "I CAN'T REVEAL THAT, HONEY" and finally she gets home and he's got dinner hidden in a closet or something and she's like "for fuck's sake, can we please just eat?" and he blindfolds her and leads her to the dining room and spins her around and takes off the blindfold and finally pulls the sheet off the dinner and it's hot dogs.

This just totally cracked my shit up

Oh man, that's hilarious. This is why I'm glad we have a metaquotes thread.

Snarryfan in Blowing Off Steam:

QUOTE

Apparently nature is attacking Maryland. I had a bat in my apartment building stairwell last Saturday and now there is a cougar on the UMD campus. I'm assuming from reports that it is an actual cat and not a sexually hungry 40-something. I have to go to campus today and I'm going to feel like that chick from 24.

Yeah, that one was spectacularly funny.

Putli Bai in discusses casting rumors in the Batman thread:

QUOTE

I like to imagine Johnny sitting in a theater somewhere in France, chain-smoking and watching Heath tear it up on the screen. All the while, Johnny's muttering under his breath, "Look how ugly Heath got to be in this movie! I could totally do that. Why wasn't I offered this part? I can play uglier AND crazier. Vanessa, fetch me another Absinthe and a cell phone so I can call my agent."

After Red Wolf mentions working in an SF bookshop, people muse on what a Snarkfest bookshop would be like:

bookworm:

QUOTE

I'm trying to picture a SF bookstore. We'd have a whole section just called "HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORS."

Genevieve:

QUOTE

Historical novels, obscure classics, HOOOOOOOOOOOORS, HP, Twilight, Twilight HOOOOOOOOOOOOOORS and fanfic.

mrinsouciance:

QUOTE

The "classics" section would contain psychotic fanfic, then?

ETA: And don't forget the "Social Experiments" section in non-fiction.

cutebutpsycho:

QUOTE

And the Shoes section! You gotta have that one!

Well, I'd shop there!

Hee! My first metaquote! How cool!

This isn't so much a metaquote of a person, as of a process (all the participants get kudos, however):

QUOTE (PrincessCleo @ August 07, 2008 05:32 am)

I can't believe I'm asking this, but I want to know [...PrincessCleo asks her question.]

QUOTE (Evil Lincoln)

I think it stems from the assertion that you need blood flow (and thus a heartbeat) to get an erection. Since vampires don't have heartbeats, then, logically, they can't get erections.

QUOTE (Big Chicken)

1) Vampires are biologically frozen once they are turned.
2) The production of sperm is a continuous biological process.
3) Therefore, vampires cannot produce sperm.
4) Edward should be sterile yet he was able to produce a child.
5) Therefore, the swimmer that won the relay must have been produced before Edward was turned.
6) Edward is 107 years old. Therefore, he must have had sperm chillin' and relaxin' for all those years in his freezing cold body.

QUOTE (UmaOprah)

So wait, do you think they were turned into vampire sperm then? Otherwise, they'd still be human sperm....

QUOTE (Miss Moneypenny)

Oh my god, now I'm picturing sperm with fangs.

Q.E.D. This is an excellent illustration of how when you start with a logically inconsistent premise, your syllogisms will lead you to, er, interesting conclusions.

dinahmoe on the unfolding Favre drama in the Football thread:

QUOTE

God, he's like the Ross Gellar of football retirement.

Heehee, thanks! Just wait until next season when he goes crying back to the Packers declaring that were "ON A BREAK!!"

Oh, man! I was gonna quote that! Nice job, Dinahmoe.

Oh, wow, metaquoted! I cannot tell you all how hard I laughed at the phrase "vampire sperm." That book is just the gift that keeps on giving.

After a bunch of random Russians friend SF LJers, River Thames and bookworm in the Livejournal thread:

QUOTE (RiverThames)

I'm going to cry one wee tear of loneliness... no random crazy Russians have friended me.

QUOTE (bookworm)

I'm sure if you wait long enough the right crazy Russian will come to you. You can't hurry crazy Russians. What if you jumped the gun and friended a crazy Hungarian, and then the crazy Russians would be so hurt, and you would have no crazy Russians at all! Remember, only a true crazy Russian is worth waiting for. Accept no substitutions.

QUOTE (RiverThames)

Thanks for setting me straight. I was about to friend a mildly wacky Estonian, and that wouldn't have been right.

Thanks! *sniff*