Ah, thanks tothemax! Didn't see it there before!

Kiran, in The Harry Potter Series (Movies):

Oh, Kiran, that was hysterical. Pimp Sirius. Gold.

I just kept imagining him banging everybody in the house regardless of sex and then when they called him on it going "I got needs, bitch. Look at my fly leisure suit!"

The Potterdammerung takes a slightly adult turn in chat:


Brainchild1984:: Oh Kiran, I just read your post in the HP movie thread about Pimp Daddy!Sirius and nearly did a spit take
Kiran:: Hee, thanks
Brainchild1984:: Well, that's what you get for hiring Gary Oldman, he can make anything sexy
Kiran:: I posted that I thought Sirius was banging everyone in that house
Kiran:: and when they questioned him he said "I got needs bitch!"
punzy:: he was working the pimp jackets
Kiran:: It would explain the antipathy b/w him and mrs,weasly
Kiran:: Sexual tension anyone?
punzy:: or jealousy over Mr Weasley
Brainchild1984:: Was I the only one who thought it looked like Sirius was borrowing David Tennant's Dr. Who suit at times in that movie?
punzy:: doea anyone know why Sirius kept winking at Harry? that was weird
Kiran59:: he winks at all his hos
Kiran59:: ask Tonks
Kiran59:: Its how he lets them know he loves them
Kiran59:: and then he smacks them and tells them to give him the money
Kiran59:: he only hits them cause he loves them
Kiran59:: he wants to take care of them
punzy:: and they owe him money
Kiran59:: And come on Sirius Black = Serious Black
Kiran59:: you telling me that AINT a pimp name?
punzy:: he needs a fedora
Kiran59:: Thats probably how James and Lily really met
Kiran59:: She was in his stable and he loaned her out to James for a freebie
Kiran59:: thats how he got money for the weekend trips
punzy:: Harry Potter and the Pimp Master
Kiran59:: he needed to pay for his magic beans y'all!
theinversed:: there's fanfic out there about it, yall, I guarantee it
Kiran59:: Sirus need to get paid baby
Kiran59:: He only hits you cause he loves you
Kiran59:: look at how pretty you are "wink"
Kiran59:: you happy now, huh?
theinversed:: He you think he gets all them fur coats?
Kiran59:: Come look at my tattoos.
Brainchild1984:: But where does Lucius Malfoy and his Pimp Cane o' Evil fit in, Kiran?
Kiran59:: Dueling pimps
Brainchild1984:: Ah, I see
Kiran59:: they fight for territory and hos
punzy:: a pimp for each house?
theinversed:: Lucius is horning in on his territory
Kiran59:: thats where the real hatred comes from
Kiran59:: Voldemort who?
theinversed:: Lucius runs more of a high-class brothel
Instant Skyblade:: "You stay in Knockturn, I stay in Diagon"
Kiran59:: Aw hell no, it was all about Lucius telling them bitches that he wouldnt hit them in the face
theinversed:: "escort service"
Kiran59:: and then they all left Sirius
punzy:: Lucius has the specialty hos
Kiran59:: You know for the dirty stuff
Lady Cynara:: and Voldemort is actually just the gang lord
Kiran59:: but Sirius dont play like that
Kiran59:: you gotta pay extra!
theinversed:: Hey, I said the service was high-class, I didn't say Lucius doesn't know his way around a bitchslap
Instant Skyblade:: Voldemort pushes sparkle
Instant Skyblade:: a specialty drug
Kiran59:: Especially if you want fine, fresh "the boy who lived" ass
Kiran59:: For two extra coins he'll throw in the nerdy girl
punzy:: and the house elf?
Kiran59:: You know she got the sexy librarian thing going on
Kiran59:: and you know Sirius takes them out for a -*test*-('") drive beforehand
Kiran59:: You want a werewolve pretty lady
Kiran59:: I'll get you a werewolf
Kiran59:: Fine ass werewolf
theinversed:: for a few bucks more you can get a taste of "Felix Felicis", which is what the kids on the street are calling it these days
theinversed:: just one hit, for free- look how much he cares about you!
Kiran59:: Shut your mouth Remus, did I say you could talk!
Instant Skyblade:: "Do you have something in mermaid?"
Instant Skyblade:: "Fuck yeah, I cater to all tastes"
Instant Skyblade:: "This isn't a mermaid. She's just some woman with blue wrapped around her legs!"
Instant Skyblade:: "Hey, man. I gots to amke a living. Besides, real mermaids are fugly bitches, and do you even know where you'd put it?"
Kiran59:: Smack
Kiran59:: Fucking got your ass educated but cant work nowhere so you gots to come back to daddy
Kiran59:: Fucking werewolves

theinversed:: kiran you're a little too good at this
Kiran59:: ...its a talent
theinversed:: you got a job on the side you never mention in I Love My Job?
Kiran59:: I work at safeway and that doesnt pay as well!
Kiran59:: I need to make a living damn it!
particle_person: sid is ded
Kiran59: Its true though
Kiran59: You know it is
Kiran59: Its sad though, before he died he had gotten a veela shipped
Kiran59: could have make good money on that
Instant Skyblade: He didn't feed the veela the right food
Kiran59: And you know, he wanted to take it for a -*test*-('") drive
Kiran59: of four
Kiran59: that Sirius, hes a freaky motherfuck
Instant Skyblade: He thought he could just throw a vole in and it would be taken care of
Kiran59: That was the real reason that Tonks/Lupin couldnt get together
Instant Skyblade: Veelas only eat liver
Kiran59: the spectre of Sirius came between them
Kiran59: I mean they both missed his freakiness
Instant Skyblade: Dude, Tonks could make a FORTUNE for a pimp
Kiran59: Seriously
Kiran59: Thats why she was possibly his fave.
Instant Skyblade: She'd be the satellite package of whores
Kiran59: Always taking her for "-*test*-('") drives"
Kiran59: saying it was "for business purposes"
Kiran59: \yeah right.
Instant Skyblade: Asian? MILF? Adriana Lima with a mustache?
Kiran59: That was his favorite! Sniff
Instant Skyblade:: Actually
Instant Skyblade:: I think I now know where magic money comes from
punzy:: hos?
Instant Skyblade:: I mean, think about, something is seriously off about the Wizard economy
Instant Skyblade:: How could the Ministry of magic be its biggest employer?
Instant Skyblade:: And I mean, it has three joke shops?
Instant Skyblade:: There are maybe fifty business at the most
Instant Skyblade:: At three of them are joke shops?
Kiran59:: No wonder Arthur Weasly is so damn twitchy
Kiran59:: hes all afraid his wife is gonna find out
Kiran59:: Whatever, the world has lost a true pimp with Sirius Black
Kiran59:: his pimp cup will truly go in the hall of fame
Kiran59:: You know what? I like to think thats just how Gary Oldman dresses at home
Kiran59:: like his sons are all "...um we'll walk to school dad"
Kiran59:: and he just said "Why ever so"
Kiran59:: and then you pan to him in a pink velvet suit and a derby with a feather
Instant Skyblade:: Remember
Instant Skyblade:: they were at a boarding school
Instant Skyblade:: I think it mostly happened on trips to Hogsmeade
Instant Skyblade:: they don't call it the Shrieking Shack for nothing
Kiran59:: And when he died I was all, Bellatrix was probably just pissed that he traded her to Lucius
Brainchild1984:: Heeeeeee
Instant Skyblade:: "Don't go in there...it's uh...haunted"
Kiran59:: And Sirius did feel comfortable there
Instant Skyblade:: Haunted with sex
Kiran59:: Living with his then top ho, Lupin
Kiran59:: Luring the little children out there
Kiran59:: trying to get new workers
Kiran59:: You are crafty, Sirius!
Instant Skyblade:: See, that's why Malfoy always looked down on him
Instant Skyblade:: verse is right. more upscale product
Instant Skyblade:: he had cleaner hos
Instant Skyblade:: none infected with werewolf
Kiran59:: Or the clap
Instant Skyblade:: Though if Greyback is a customer...
Kiran59:: Yeah, I'm not gonna lie...Sirius wasnt a clean fella
Kiran59:: Hey now! Sirius dont deal with those under 14!
Brainchild1984:: Oh my god, I cannot stop laughing
punzy:: well with all those "-*test*-('") drives" how could he be?
Brainchild1984:: I blame all of you for this
Kiran59:: Greyback can take his ass to Dumbledore if he wants that shit
Instant Skyblade:: That's when Malfoy doled out what he called "The Styrofoam catalogue"
Kiran59:: Fucking hippie pimp
Instant Skyblade:: His picnic setting hos
Kiran59:: free love and all that shit
Instant Skyblade:: Dixie Cups
Kiran59:: You know what so what if his hos arent going to win any beauty con-*test*-('")s
Kiran59:: They put it down and they put it down good
particle_person:: that's a pretty girl
Kiran59:: And when the lights are out aint that what matters?
Lady Cynara:: guys I am metaquoting this whole shit
Kiran59:: Sirius approves
Kiran59:: He gots to advertise
punzy:: but what will Luicus say?
Kiran59:: Luicus doesnt need to advertise
Kiran59:: hes the dirty secret of the upperclass
Instant Skyblade:: He goes by word of mouth
Kiran59:: You know, thats why Percy is all to happy to stay a douche
Kiran59:: he gets free access
Kiran59:: and he aint getting it elswhere
Instant Skyblade:: fleur de le
Kiran59:: that Penelope chick came out after graduation
Kiran59:: explained a lot
Kiran59:: Their was a bidding war for Fleur though
Kiran59:: Sirius won out...well, cause he's Sirius
Kiran59:: no one can resist him
Instant Skyblade:: Actually
Instant Skyblade:: I bet Percy was blackmailed with a dead hooker on his bed
Instant Skyblade:: that's exactly the sort of thing that would happen to him
Kiran59:: Probably
Kiran59:: But I suspect he would have already ran home crying to his mommy to make it better
Kiran59:: and then Sirius would have bitchslapped him
Kiran59:: Thats how he rolls
Kiran59: He dont tolerate men crying
Kiran59: Especially when hes just doing it cause he loves them.
Kiran59: Now give him his money, bitch
Instant Skyblade:: I'm never eating at her house again
Instant Skyblade: got knows what's in her stew
Instant Skyblade: What if you pay to sit on the bed and cry
Instant Skyblade: Like Bill Maher does?
Kiran59: Well, thats different
Kiran59: theres a cash exchange going on
Kiran59: Bill Maher is too fucked up for Sirius though
Kiran59: Cause that would require him to "-*test*-('")drive" Ann Coulter
Kiran59: and his omnisexuality does NOT stretch that far
punzy: eeeeeeeeeewwwwwwww
Instant Skyblade: Do you think he's ever tried to pimp out a dementor?
punzy: totally
Kiran59: Probably.
punzy: that was his game at Azkaban
Kiran59: "You motherfuckers like s and m?"
Instant Skyblade: Just tied it to a string, and let some sick fuck try it out
partic: something shot out of the wand, that's for sure
Kiran59: "I got something for you?"
Instant Skyblade: They call it the "Misery position"
punzy: hee
Instant Skyblade: I'm just saying, Dementors are next step in S&M
particle_person: dementors like to suck face
Kiran59: "Its what they do in Thailand"
Kiran59: Yeah, but Sirius dont kiss, he just fuck
Kiran59: so he doesnt appreciate them like he should
Instant Skyblade: Kissing is extra
JuliaMac1: this is the strangest conversation that I have ever read. I am so proud of y'all!
Kiran59: Hes good at soothing bitches down though
Instant Skyblade: You don't want people getting attached
Brainchild1984: It is truly a thing of beauty
Kiran59: He enjoys doing it in a fur cape, so the bitch can see his sexy tattoos
Kiran59: Sirius dont belong to just one person
Kiran59: he belongs to the world
Kiran59: gotta spread his love around
Kiran59: sharing, y'all
Instant Skyblade: Kind of literally at this point
punzy: I now want a Deadwood sytle Harry Potter
Kiran59: I suspect he'll come back in the last book and be all "What? Oh I just went into another dimension to find me some intergalactic" hos
Kiran59: But I'm back now
Kiran59: Now take your pants off
Instant Skyblade: Ghost snatch?
Instant Skyblade: "Get your freak on without a trace"
Brainchild1984: Someone needs to turn this into the freakiest, funniest, most fabulous fanfiction ever
Brainchild1984: It will be a glorious form of crack, and all would flock to it and laugh
Kiran59: I'm afraid we'd inspire psychos though
Kiran59: Sirius does like them crazy though
Kiran59: Crazy in bed...crazy everywhere else
Kiran59: 'he mostly just cares about in bed though
Kiran59: And in the kitchen, over by the stove
Instant Skyblade: I'll bet you what though
Instant Skyblade: Wormtail probably doesn't get any
Instant Skyblade: Like, he's blacklisted
Instant Skyblade: or as he calls it Black-listed
Brainchild1984: No, Pettigrew he pimps out as a submissive
Kiran59: Back in the day, Sirius hooked him up
Kiran59: With one of his left over bitches that followed him around in highschool
Kiran59: But then he got cut off
Instant Skyblade: He's cockblocked for life
Kiran59: Dont ever say that Sirius didnt share his wealth though
Kiran59: His wealth of fineass bitches
Kiran59: You get one chance with Sirius.
Kiran59: One chance! And then its lights out
Instant Skyblade: I'm just saying
Instant Skyblade: Sirus wouild totally be egotistical enough to call it that
Instant Skyblade: he probably names all his possessions and manuevers after himself
Instant Skyblade: He's worse than Batman
Kiran59: This is blackie my favorite whore.
Kiran59: ...but thats a twelve year old white boy
Kiran59: did I tell you to question me, fool
Kiran59: Hes the Goddamn Sirius Black
Kiran59: he will make you eat rats if you disobey him
Kiran59: and he too draws bitches in with just his name
Instant Skyblade: Hey, he's had to do it
Kiran59: ala Batman and Black Canary
Kiran59: Thats the real reason his family kicked him out
Kiran59: Cause you know, Lucius married into the family and they didnt want a feud
Instant Skyblade: Plus
Kiran59: that and he took non pureblood hos
Kiran59: Sirius dont discriminate
Instant Skyblade: Yep
Instant Skyblade: He totally depurified the blood pool
Kiran59: Men, Women, centaurs, he'll do em all and then turn them out
Kiran59: but they cant leave
Kiran59: hes magnetic
particle_person: he pissed in the blood pool
Kiran59: Looking back Gary Oldman was perfect choice
Instant Skyblade:There was so much mixing I think *I'm* part veela just because of it
Kiran59: Sirius might be my daddy, I dont know
Kiran59: he turned my mom out a lot
Kiran59: But he totally loved her!
Kiran59: He only hit her cause she tried to steal money from the pimp jar
#bookworm: hey verse
#bookworm: hey sky
Instant Skyblade: Sirus is the only daddy you'll ever need, anyways
Kiran59: Its true
Kiran59: He says I can start in if I want but I dont know, if hes my daddy I dont want him doing "the -*test*-('") drive"
Kiran59: But if hes not, well, then Gary Oldman and I are gonna have a good old time
Kiran59: I aint gonna lie
Kiran59: And he'll still be my daddy in other ways
Instant Skyblade: Yeah, that Gaunt family discount mess back. Fired.
Kiran59: I cant resist him
Kiran59: Who can
Kiran59: with that big ass fedora and those tatts
Kiran59: Maury Povich says the dna -*test*-('") comes back soon, so fingers crossed
Brainchild1984:: I won't - I fear now if see that movie again, I'm going to think of this conversation whenever he's on screen and giggle madly

Is there room to put "Fucking got your ass educated but cant work nowhere so you gots to come back to daddy. Fucking werewolves" on a sig line?

I literally have tears and I snorted at least twice. OMG! LOL. And somehow this was my favorite quote out of all that.

Yeah, that's pretty much the part where I woke the cat.

I'm a little frightened at how easy it was for me to get into the mind of a pimp.

I blame Terrence Howard. Also, you guys need to leave Sirius alone. Its hard out there for a pimp. All his bitches jumping ship. To Lucius Malfoy.

...Yeah, I was a little drunk last night.

At least you have an excuse. I talk like a pimp all day, every day, baby! That's just how I do! Now, go make me some money, bitch!

Yes. Yes, there is.

Aw. I'm, like, honored Poubelle.

FINE, YOU STEAL THAT.

SEVERE CONSEQUENCE!

Damn it, I was going to steal yours!