The place for good stuff that's too long for metaquotes. Particularly useful for chat conversations. Called "chat movies" because many have been invented narrative "movies" in chat.

I'm reposting the movies from the old board, rescued from Google. Because these are so long, I'm going to have to quadruple-post, and I hope that's okay with the mods under the special circumstances.

ETA: Renamed to "chat quotes" since it's not all movies.

This is too long for metaquotes, but I wanted to preserve it. If mods have a better idea for where to put this, feel free to contact me. The participants were lezopez, particle_person, Skyblade, and evilbearhunter. Cynara, inversed, and elysium were also present, but their parts were cut for brevity, since they didn't add to the movie.

The Midnight Persian or Lez the Pez: A Tale of Noir

It starts with a near miss:

#lezopez:: Although, even though it scared the shit out of me, I'm half proud to say I got out of my first ticket yesterday
particle_person:: oooh?
#Cynara:: did you cry?
particle_person:: Did you look pathetic for the poor widdle powiceman?
#lezopez:: I cried a little bit, but I stayed pretty calm
#lezopez:: my cop was a cute young guy
#lezopez:: and I have a good license picture
#lezopez:: I ran a stop sign
#lezopez:: and he ran my background check, went
#lezopez:: "Just watch those stop signs for me honey"
#lezopez:: and left
#lezopez:: he was SO CUTE too

Then SkyBlade said:

Instant Skyblade:: Lez, you should be a sexy cat burglar

To which Lez replied:

#lezopez:: OMG would I get a hot leather suit?
particle_person:: Yes!
Instant Skyblade:: Of course
Instant Skyblade:: and stilettos
#lezopez:: OMG I would be so hot
Instant Skyblade:: which would *totally* help with your maneuverability
#lezopez:: Well duh, you can't be a good super cat burglar if you're not sexy
Instant Skyblade:: And you'd wear a mask! Kinky!

But what to call her?

#lezopez:: And I need a cool thief name
particle_person:: Lez the Pez
Instant Skyblade:: The Midnight Persian
#lezopez:: Hee lez the pez is my alter ego
Instant Skyblade:: You mean your mousy civilian i.d.?
#lezopez:: my mild mannered woman cover story
#lezopez:: I'm a mild mannered child's photographer
#lezopez:: And he brings his niece to get her picture taken
Instant Skyblade:: I hope this niece isn't around too much. Precious moppet girls ruined Elektra.
#lezopez:: No she actually lives like three states away
#lezopez:: so he wanted to get a picture of her while she was there
#lezopez:: I shan't make the catsuit red leather
Instant Skyblade:: Nope, black to the point of reflective.
#lezopez:: And it covers my whole body
#lezopez:: No midriff showing
#lezopez:: Although at one point, it shall be torn sexily to show a bit of skin
#lezopez:: but only for a moment

A detective was needed:

Instant Skyblade:: And a good looking detective would totally hit on you in your mousy civilian ID, but oddly attracted to your cat burglar one
#lezopez:: The good looking detective would face an intense battle
#lezopez:: between his lust for my hotness
#lezopez:: and his love of justice
Instant Skyblade:: He'd corner you and you two would make innuendoes before you took off and left him befuddled
particle_person:: His name would be O'Brien.
#lezopez:: I could leave him tied up
#lezopez:: tease him a bit
#lezopez:: but then really leave him hanging
#lezopez:: leave him tantalizing clues about my identity
#evilbearhunter:: would there eventually be a sexy confrontation?
#lezopez:: and where Im going to strike next
#lezopez:: it will be very sexy, ebh
particle_person:: And when he asks questions, you could say, "Shut up, O'Brien," out of the corner of your mouth.

We choose his first name:

#evilbearhunter:: Does he have a first name?
#evilbearhunter:: or just O'Brien
particle_person:: You call him O'Brien.
particle_person:: His first name is rarely used.
#lezopez:: His real name is something sexy though
particle_person:: Giovanni
#lezopez:: EXCELLENT
#lezopez:: I love that name
#evilbearhunter:: Giovanni O'Brien?
#lezopez:: Half Italian, half irish, apparently
particle_person:: He's from Boston.
#lezopez:: Its ok, because I'm scottish and Italian
#lezopez:: It means we have equal sexiness AND can keep up with each other at the bar


What does he look like?

#lezopez:: Does he have red hair, Skyblade?
#lezopez:: Or is he tall and dark?
particle_person:: sky, that's boring. It should only seem to be by chance
#lezopez:: He wears a trench-coat
particle_person:: With the collar turned up, natch.
Instant Skyblade:: tall and dark lez
#lezopez:: And he smokes, very sexfully
#lezopez:: so we can do that shot of the smoke curling up by his eyes
particle_person:: Yes. He must smoke.
#lezopez:: And he ALWAYS needs a cigarette after every encounter with me
#lezopez:: Can't you see it? I escape, and he sighs and mutters "I need a cigarette"
Instant Skyblade:: Luckily, you only steal from tycoons who kick kittens.
#lezopez:: And then eats them
#lezopez:: And the tycoon is giving him, like, extra money on the side to catch me
#lezopez:: so its like, personal
Instant Skyblade:: Your being the lesser of two evils mitigates any sense of responsibility.
#lezopez:: Precisely
Instant Skyblade:: And if you look so good stealing, how could it be wrong?

particle_person:: Giovanni has a beat-up Oldsmobile. But you discover that he's actually a trust fund baby, and he has a Jag that he drives on weekends.
Instant Skyblade:: Yeah, he fights crime because his parents were murdered.
particle_person:: Precisely.
#lezopez:: Ooh! And I find out that the rich guy who's paying him to find me is the one who murdered his parents!
particle_person:: He's developing a bit of a gut, but he retains his sexiness in a rough and charming way.
particle_person:: It's the cinnabuns. They're his downfall.
Instant Skyblade:: Good work lez, it's kid of sad you're a better detective than your trust fund love interest.
#lezopez:: Well thats part of his charm, Skyblade
particle_person:: Cinnabuns, and sexy girls that know how to keep their secrets.

The background:

#lezopez:: And its ALWAYS RAINING
Instant Skyblade:: But there are never any clouds.
Instant Skyblade:: And there's a full moon every night.
#lezopez:: No you're right - it rains every NIGHT
#lezopez:: but during the day its beautiful
#lezopez:: allowing me to be artfully wet in a sexy way
#lezopez:: but perfectly manicured during my mild mannered days

How it starts:

#lezopez:: I'm a mild mannered child's photographer
#lezopez:: He brings his niece in for some pictures, and we flirt
#lezopez:: Its clean flirting, but then I make some sort of joke and harkens to my night life
particle_person:: On the way out, he drops a picture. It's of a missing child.
#lezopez:: it makes him suspicious
#lezopez:: No particle_person
#lezopez:: he drops a lighter
#lezopez:: and then the next night when I run into him, I offer him a light when he takes out a cigarette
particle_person:: Yes!
particle_person:: And he says, "What's a nice girl like you doing with a nasty habit like that?"
#evilbearhunter:: wait, your catsuit has pockets?
#lezopez:: And I reply "What's a nasty habit like you doing to a nice girl like me?"
particle_person:: heee
#lezopez:: No, I keep it in my cleavage, ebh
particle_person:: And he says, "If we drink, don't park, because accidents cause people."
#lezopez:: And then I call him a cab with the cell phone from my cleavage

They go to a bar:

particle_person:: You go to a bar. It's smoky and dim.
particle_person:: It's on the wrong side of town.
particle_person:: He orders the usual.
#lezopez:: Hee!
#evilbearhunter:: what does Lez get?
particle_person:: Lez?
#lezopez:: He sits to drink his worries away
#lezopez:: something a guy would drink
#lezopez:: so that he will raise his eyebrows affectionately
#lezopez:: and comment upon
#lezopez:: something about hanging with the boys
particle_person:: Lez gets a whisky and soda, no rocks.
#lezopez:: good one particle_person

We are not sure why, but there is a car chase:

#lezopez:: And then we get into a high speed car chase
#lezopez:: with goons from the rich guy
#lezopez:: but I jump out of the car before it's over using my super gymnastics skills
#lezopez:: and when I see him again and he asks why, I can call him on that no parking line
particle_person:: The car goes gracefully off the road into the East River.

We hear more about the rich guy:

#lezopez:: And the rich guy thinks the detective is dead, which is good because the rich guy is also trying to kill him
#lezopez:: ...while paying him
#lezopez:: He has his own agenda
#evilbearhunter:: will it be uncovered?
#lezopez:: eventually
#lezopez:: Eventually, the detective will kill him
#lezopez:: for killing his parents
#lezopez:: and we will get that shot of him holding the gun out, soaking wet in the rain
particle_person:: yes
#lezopez:: But I've already gone at this point
#lezopez:: which is part of the reason he's so angry
#lezopez:: and then I send him the note, which is good because he's kinda wanted for murder
particle_person:: The rich guy has friends...friends in high places. And a son with a mean streak a mile wide.
#lezopez:: Maybe he tries to torture someone...?
#evilbearhunter:: this is starting to sound like Sin City
#lezopez:: I didn't see that
#lezopez:: Really?
particle_person:: Well, that's what I'm stealing from right now. We already did batman and superman
#lezopez:: Well maybe Ill just rob the son blind
#lezopez:: that would be awesome
#evilbearhunter:: The mean streak son=yellow bastard
#lezopez:: Yeah I'll rob him
#lezopez:: but I don't get caught, because I'm sexy
#lezopez:: and I don't rely on a man to save me

Meanwhile:

particle_person:: Across the city, the Maltese Butterfly has gone missing.
#lezopez:: Did I steal it or am I in competition?
particle_person:: Competition.
#lezopez:: Ooh is my competition another woman or a man?
#lezopez:: The detective has to catch her
#evilbearhunter:: The SON!
#lezopez:: or him
particle_person:: woman, natch
#evilbearhunter:: duh duh dun!
#lezopez:: for which I will thank Mr. O Brien
particle_person:: You solve the mystery with Giovanni's help. You handle the criminal underworld, and he pursues inquires.
particle_person:: At a high level.
#lezopez:: With a gun
#lezopez:: But what about the rich guy?
particle_person:: The rich guy is sponsoring your rival.
#evilbearhunter:: The son is backing the woman?
#lezopez:: How can I tell O Brien he's getting paid by the guy who killed his parents
#evilbearhunter:: oh, they're trying to frame O'Brien with this
#lezopez:: it will be a very tender moment between us
#evilbearhunter:: trying to get him to join you
#evilbearhunter:: in the search against your rival
#lezopez:: so O Brien isn't just the guy trying to catch me, he's like being forced to join with me
#lezopez:: OMG I get it!
particle_person:: Your rival...they call her the Evil Bear, because if you get in her way, she tears your face.
#lezopez:: Hee!
#evilbearhunter:: Hee!

Lez has a sidekick, Evil Bear Hunter, who hunts the Evil Bear:

#lezopez:: ebh, you get a catsuit too!
#lezopez:: Ok, then we get to be wise cracking buddies while solving the mystery
#evilbearhunter:: Okay, but mine is far more practical
#evilbearhunter:: I'm clearly the sidekick
#evilbearhunter:: and I get the funny lines
#lezopez:: Oooh ok. I'm the sexy one. Cool.
#evilbearhunter:: Can I be a tech whiz?
#lezopez:: Must be the italian in me
Instant Skyblade:: It shouldn't be a tender reveal lez.
particle_person:: Yeah, you're more like Emma Peel, lez.
Instant Skyblade:: It should be rushed, arbitrary, and taken at face value.
#lezopez:: How now brown cow?
#lezopez:: What skyblade, what do you mean?
Instant Skyblade:: When you tell the cop the rich guy you're stealing from murdered his parents.
#lezopez:: yeah? how do I tell him?
#lezopez:: Do I play it like I don't care you mean?
Instant Skyblade:: You need to be at gun point, bring it up now of all times, use circular logic, and he'll buy it.
Instant Skyblade:: Like, rushed.
#lezopez:: But that will break our flirty "I want to catch you but I don't want to catch you" chemistry
Instant Skyblade:: It's the climax though.
#lezopez:: Oooh it takes our relationship to the next level?
Instant Skyblade:: Yeah. Making as little plot sense as possible.
#lezopez:: Heeee I think I like that

Then:

particle_person:: Meanwhile, across town, the Evil Bear strikes again! The Chalice from the Palace has gone missing!
#evilbearhunter:: I want to be, you know the Don Chedle character in Ocean's Eleven? That, but a sexy girl
#lezopez:: but he doesn't rush off to catch the Evil Bear!
#lezopez:: Because he's all in flashback mode
#evilbearhunter:: in that role, but in character, more like Kaylee from Firefly

The Evil Bear Hunter has a crush:

particle_person:: There's a wise-cracking reporter named McDonnelly. He's covering the Evil Bear larcenies, but his editor doesn't take him seriously.
#lezopez:: particle_person has a thing for Irish last names
#evilbearhunter:: Oh, he's SO my love interest
#lezopez:: What's his first name?
particle_person:: Kevin.
#lezopez:: Nah it should be like, Pedro or something
particle_person:: Just kidding. His first name is Haim.
#evilbearhunter:: Okay
#lezopez:: Haim?!
particle_person:: He's half Israeli.
#lezopez:: Heeee heheheheh
#evilbearhunter:: Perfect
#evilbearhunter:: Wait, I want to know how I meet up with Haim
particle_person:: Haim met you on a tip from a snitch. The snitch was at that bar on 41st and Chestnut, which is where they made the drop last time.
#lezopez:: that bar me and O Brien met at?
#evilbearhunter:: and we get together for girls' night
particle_person:: By an enormous coincidence having to do with a lack of money for the set, yes!

Haim goes to meet the snitch:

#lezopez:: ok so he goes to meet the snitch
#lezopez:: and you're there [ebh]?
particle_person:: Overhead.
particle_person:: Hanging from a beam.
particle_person:: In high heels.
#lezopez:: listening?
#lezopez:: to the snitch?
#lezopez:: And then you fall!
#lezopez:: Because you're funny!
particle_person:: But also lethal.
#evilbearhunter:: and clumsy!
#lezopez:: lethal in a cute way
#evilbearhunter:: and cheerful! But I'll still kill you!
particle_person:: You kill people without quite meaning to.
particle_person:: You're always very sorry afterward.
Instant Skyblade:: I feel like I've lost control of my creative baby
#evilbearhunter:: Do I accidentally kill the snitch?
#lezopez:: Yes
#lezopez:: But you meet Haim
#lezopez:: No wait, maybe you just concuss the snitch
#lezopez:: and Haim is exasperated because you fell at the moment he was about to reveal the next site of the Evil Bear
particle_person:: The snitch is knocked out, but now you've met Haim, ebh...and it's luurve.
particle_person:: But not right away.
particle_person:: At that moment, you're embarrassed, and Haim is mad at you.
#evilbearhunter:: Oh, I have an adorable accent like Kaylee
#evilbearhunter:: okay, really, I'm just Kaylee
#evilbearhunter:: Kaylee's the mechanic on Firefly
#evilbearhunter:: she's adorable
#lezopez:: is that Jewel Staite?
#evilbearhunter:: yes
#lezopez:: so you're Kaylee

particle_person:: Jewel? That's the real first name of the Evil Bear! That's what the snitch was about to tell Haim when you knocked him out, EBH.
#evilbearhunter:: I want my own
#evilbearhunter:: So he's like, "The Evil Bear is really named Jewel --" thud
particle_person:: Yes.
#lezopez:: So where is the detective when this is happening?
#lezopez:: Where am I?
particle_person:: You're back at the ranch. The detective has a ranch in the mountains.
#evilbearhunter:: innuendoing
#lezopez:: ..are we doing it?
#lezopez:: oooh. So is it a verbal copulation or a physical copulation?
particle_person:: You quote Russian literature, Lez, *while* you're doing it.
particle_person:: Kafka, I think.
#lezopez:: Wow thats pretty kinky
#lezopez:: I keep my heels on while we have sex
particle_person:: He puts his handcuffs on you.
#lezopez:: I slip right out of them
#lezopez:: Hee! My secret life as a super sexy cat burglar
particle_person:: ...and wrap your mouth around his...ear.
particle_person:: But it soon drifts lower...
#lezopez:: OOOOH!
#lezopez:: Can i give him a love bite?
#lezopez:: And then comment on it later?
particle_person:: Yes!
particle_person:: You leave BPAL on his collar.
#lezopez:: Like uh... "Burn yourself with your curling iron, O'Brien?"
particle_person:: His buddies comment on it.
#lezopez:: *wink*

The plot advances:

#evilbearhunter:: I just killed the snitch
#evilbearhunter:: or knocked him out
#evilbearhunter:: or something
particle_person:: He was knocked out, but you thought you'd killed him.
#lezopez:: ok so I sleep with O Brien, and flee the ranch and leave him
#lezopez:: we meet up one more time, when I make fun of his love bite and reveal that the rich guy killed his parents
#lezopez:: then I take off
particle_person:: ...to join up with Haim and EBH.
#lezopez:: and then he kills the rich guy
particle_person:: With martial arts swords.
particle_person:: O'Brien is an expert in swordplay.
#evilbearhunter:: that were artfully arranged around the fireplace
particle_person:: of the rich guy
particle_person:: O'Brien breaks in and confronts him.
particle_person:: He grabs the swords from above the fireplace.
#evilbearhunter:: and the rich guy tries to shoot him!
#evilbearhunter:: but he just gets hit artfully in the arm
particle_person:: shoulder.
#lezopez:: wait how can he swing the sword then?
particle_person:: he needs the arm so he can do his sword tricks
#evilbearhunter:: and then, having been attacked, he is absolved of any moral badness from killing the rich guy
#evilbearhunter:: who needs a name
particle_person:: He's better nameless
#evilbearhunter:: ok
particle_person:: There's a brief flash, the two swords cross, and the rich guy's head is lying on the floor. Before he has speak any dialog.

So how does it all end?

#lezopez:: So how does it all end?
#evilbearhunter:: Haim should be attacked by the snitch's friends
#evilbearhunter:: and I come in and save him
#evilbearhunter:: and there is adorable banter, because I am adorable and he is adorable and we can ignore the corpses and make out dramatically
particle_person:: Haim is attacked by the snitch's friends, and EBH takes them out and rescues him.
#evilbearhunter:: exactly
particle_person:: She does this by accidently bumping into the fire alarm, setting off the sprinklers, which flood the dry ice in the basement causing it to blow sky high. Haim is evacuated from the building seconds before it blows!
#evilbearhunter:: oh man, I'm so smooth
#lezopez:: Don't forget that, since it's at night, it still raining!
#evilbearhunter:: and adorable
#evilbearhunter:: Haim should look like& the friend/villain from Spider-man? I can't remember his name
particle_person:: Haim goes down to the basement after the smoke clears, and there, there in the basement is the Evil Bear!
#evilbearhunter:: HAIM is James Franco
theinversed:: ...
#evilbearhunter:: sorry, versed
theinversed:: I'm never going to catch up on this conversation, am I?
#evilbearhunter:: never ever
Instant Skyblade:: Okay, this story is suffering from Matrixitis
#lezopez:: listen, as long as I get it on with Mr. O'brien I don't care
#evilbearhunter:: the rich guy's son
Instant Skyblade:: Yeah, too many plotlines
particle_person:: I'll edit that part out.
#lezopez:: so we're dropping the evil son?
particle_person:: he's just background
#evilbearhunter:: He'll be in the sequel
particle_person:: (sky's right, this is too hard to follow)
#evilbearhunter:: out for you and O'Brien
#lezopez:: so hows it all wrap up for me and the detective, however?
#lezopez:: he kills rich guy and I've fled
particle_person:: You're on very good terms with each other, but you must meet in secret, lez. You come back in the sequel.
#lezopez:: right, and how it ends
#lezopez:: is that I get away
#lezopez:: and leave town
#lezopez:: and then leave him a very very sexy note about where I am
particle_person:: The note is written on pink paper, with BPAL of your choice dribbled on it.
#evilbearhunter:: O!
#evilbearhunter:: it should be O
#lezopez:: Oooooh good one particle_person!
#lezopez:: The note shall be heavy on sexual innuendo also
#lezopez:: "Come and find me... if you can keep up..."
#evilbearhunter:: well obviously
particle_person:: It's found sealed in an envelope on the ledge of a building on the 40th floor, and he's guided there by a series of clues.
Instant Skyblade:: Nah, because he wouldn't be a very good cop, he's just cute.
#lezopez:: Its left on the ledge by a bald eagle, the sexiest of the birds
Instant Skyblade:: He finds it totally by chance.

In conclusion:

#lezopez:: Well as long as we live sexfully ever after
#lezopez:: thats a good movie

Okay, another chat movie. This time: The Passion of the Wonka. [Originally posted by Cynara]

Participants: Mostly Eris, with particle_person, Kalliopea, and Cynara present. Edited out the requisite "heeee" and "omg so funny" and the like.

[Discussion of morality, people being assholes, etc.]
#Eris Rising:: One of my favorite parts of the Bible has to do with Christ saying "Many will come to me and say father, father...and I will say 'I know you not'"
#Eris Rising:: "I know you not" has to be said in this disdainful tone for the full effect.
particle_person:: "What?! I can't HEAR YOU!"
#Eris Rising:: Exactly!
particle_person:: like willy wonka
particle_person:: Mumbler!
particle_person:: I can't believe I just compared Christ to Willy Wonka
#Kalliopeia:: but that makes you awesome andy, so it's ok
particle_person:: thanks
#Eris Rising:: Chocloate communion wafers! Fizzy lifting wine!
#Kalliopeia:: will the angels sing the oompa loompa songs?
Cynara:: i am so picturing God in a top hat and pimp cane and velvet smoking jacket
#Kalliopeia:: with very white teeth
#Kalliopeia:: and daddy issues
particle_person:: hee
#Eris Rising:: What do you get with a judgemental fool? Turning away from the church isn't cool. Could you not see that he wasn't that well? Or do you want to burn...in...hell?"
#Eris Rising:: "Burning in the bri-him-stone"
particle_person:: he had a rich daddy, right? "The house of my father has many mansions."
#Eris Rising:: Oompa Loompa, Loompa de dah...
#Eris Rising:: If you're not snobbish, you will go far
#Kalliopeia:: oh god eris...i'm dying. hahaa
#Eris Rising:: You will leave in heavenly bliss
#Eris Rising:: Unlike that lying fool...Ju-das!
#Kalliopeia:: oh man.
#Kalliopeia:: that was brilliant
#Eris Rising:: Thanks. I love skirting the edge of blasphemy before I plunge right in.
particle_person:: Judas is played like Mike TV
#Eris Rising:: Oh my god...and Peter is Charlie.
particle_person:: The Passion of the Wonka?
#Eris Rising:: "Before the cock crows, you shall take three sips from the fizzy lifting drink"
#Eris Rising:: "Yeah, for like the gobstopper, my father's love is everlasting"
#Kalliopeia:: can't breathe now, thanks
#Eris Rising:: Mary Magdelene is Veruca Salt. If the legends about her are true, she's used to saying "I want it now, Daddy!"
#Eris Rising:: Wonka baptized in the chocolate river....
#Eris Rising:: "Get thee behind me, Slugworth"
#Kalliopeia:: I'll never be able to watch that movie the same way again
#Eris Rising:: The miracle of the loaves and schnozzberries....
#Eris Rising:: "And he came unto a town, wherein a certain lady was possessed by verminicious knids"
#Kalliopeia:: you should write The Book Of Wonka
#Eris Rising:: Well, I'm already going to hell for so much else, why not?
particle_person:: it would be a new Appocrypha
particle_person:: with a brown and gold cover
#Eris Rising:: "Good Day, Satan!" "But I..." "I said, Good DAY, Satan!"
particle_person:: and 1 in every 500,000 would be a big bar of chocolate instead of a book
#Eris Rising:: Yeah, many shall be called, but few shall be chosen for the golden ticket.
Cynara:: i am so metaquoting this
#Kalliopeia: definitely
#Eris Rising: "Yea, you are Bucket, but within this pail I shall mix my recipies..."
#Eris Rising: For Wonka so loved the world, that he gave his only created Gobstoppers, that whosoever should keep them should not run out, but have everlasting flavor.

Russian Fingers: A Lycra Story (I made up a title, since we didn't have one in the chat.)

Participants: ratkitten, particle_person, Cynara, Skyblade. Cy started this one:

#Cynara:: my parents are watching this special on luxury apartments in Moscow
#Cynara:: and the corruption in buying them
#Cynara:: it's hilarious because everyone is noveau riche and HUGELY tacky
particle_person:: hee
particle_person:: ankle deep burgundy rugs?
ratkitten:: lots of lycra miniskirts and bleach blonde girlfriends
#Cynara:: and gilt, 3 swimming pools, gaudy lighting, you name it
particle_person:: velvet paintings?
#Cynara:: not yet
ratkitten:: hee -- velvet icons
particle_person:: heeee
particle_person:: "...and this is Saint Elvis"
#Cynara:: and like, guards with machine guns so the other 99% of Russia doesn't come kill them
particle_person:: because they want the lycra miniskirts
#Cynara:: or the velvet Elvis
particle_person:: The Velvis (that's the title)
ratkitten:: who wouldn't?
ratkitten:: I mean, you might be a little cold from not having heat, but the killing? Happens over the man-made fabrics
particle_person:: precisely!
particle_person:: the killing will happen on the balconies (there must be balconies)
#Cynara:: "HAND OVER THE VELOUR AND NO ONE WILL DIE!"
ratkitten:: Give us the crushed velvet or we will crush _you_!
particle_person:: "But, but can I offer you my mini-skirt instead? It is of fine Lycra!"
#Cynara:: "the poly/rayon blend too, while you're at it."
ratkitten:: "Mmm, what vintage is the lycra?"
particle_person:: "It is grown in the Ukrainian hills by dedicated Lycrinity students."
Skyblade:: Everyone knows lycra is mined
ratkitten:: I thought they created it from stem cells
particle_person:: "It used to be mined until the famous Lyra/Vermiculite scandal of 1992, when they switched to advanced biotechnology to grow it in vats."
particle_person:: "It is tended by dedicated grad students whose advisors wanted to dispose of them for a few years."
ratkitten:: the brave new world of synthetics...
particle_person:: "Lycra, young [wo]man."
particle_person:: "It was good advice....Ha! Got your gun! Now give me that Velour back or I pump you full of lead."
ratkitten:: Nyet! You will never take the miniskirt away from me!
particle_person:: *leers*
particle_person:: "I will tie you to the train tracks and your miniskirt will be mine!"
ratkitten:: "And I shall lay on the tracks helplessly until rescued by burly action hero!"
particle_person:: Go for it, sky!
Skyblade:: Oh crap
Skyblade:: *Runs to the store for mountie uniform*
particle_person:: The store is all out of mountie uniforms.
Skyblade:: Uh...
particle_person:: But there is a single pink tutu. Do you take the tutu?
particle_person:: if the answer is yes, turn to page 67. Otherwise, turn to page 93.
Skyblade:: The things I do for heroics
particle_person:: You take the tutu and run to the railroad tracks. The train is approaching at high speed. The potential victim says...
ratkitten:: er... help?
ratkitten:: (sorry, was putting stuff in the dishwasher)
particle_person:: The potential victim seems resigned to her fate. She doesn't expect much of a man in a pink tutu.
Skyblade:: How does this go? Under the bunny hoop?
ratkitten:: If you were female and saw a man in a pink tutu coming towards you, the thought wouldn't automatically turn to rescue so much as potential make up tips
particle_person:: 4 o'clock eyeshadow?
Skyblade:: You have to admire the silky smoothiness
particle_person:: and then you save her, and she says...
ratkitten:: Thanks ever so, sweetie -- want a vodka gimlet?
particle_person:: and he says...
Skyblade:: I think the bartender thinks i had enough
particle_person:: and then he falls asleep and snores embarrassingly loudly.
ratkitten:: Did the bartender swoop down in a tutu to rescue me? No. Screw the bartender!
particle_person:: 2 months later, scene: her bedroom. "Honey, can a bring you a beef stroganoff?"
particle_person:: *finis*
ratkitten:: meanwhile, I'm getting tied up on rr tracks again waiting for another man in ballet gear to rescue me...
particle_person:: (that's the credit cookie)

[Originally posted by Kalliopeia] This isn't a long one, but I think we've got the seeds of a great movie here. It started when Kalliopeia commented about how Charlie Rose couldn't pronounce Tolkien, instead saying Torkin:

Instant Skyblade :: You know, I'd like see a movie about the two fantasy author buddies in a college comedy.
Instant Skyblade:: "C.S. is Loose While J.R.R. is Tokin'"
Cynara:: the best part about that? i think they actually knew each other
Kalliopeia:: They did.
Kalliopeia:: Oh god, can you imagine, CS & JRR, smoking weed in their dorms at 2 am
Kalliopeia:: "My book, it's going to have TALKING BEAVERS."
Kalliopeia:: "I can top that! No, seriously, I can! Mine? Is going to have a giant eyeball on a stick."
Cynara:: HAHAHAHAHA
Kalliopeia:: of course he refined the idea later.
Instant Skyblade:: "What if the trees...started chopping down people?"
Kalliopeia:: "And they all use Magic 8 balls."
Cynara:: "no, dude, no, I got one, I got one....Short guys. With hairy feet. And elves. What?"
Instant Skyblade:: "How about this. They get their swords...from Santa Clause!"
Kalliopeia:: "Dude, I could use some munchies...hand me that Turkish Delight...I'd sell my soul for that stuff. HEY!!!"
Instant Skyblade:: "How about thhis? The one ring gets destroyed...because the guy TRIPS. That'd be hilarious!"
Instant Skyblade:: It's easy to see why Led Zepplin writes songs about them
Kalliopeia:: See, Skyblade, now we know why the hobbits ate so much.

Okay, this is the only place I could think to plonk this down. The scary result of a typo. Dog becomes...

ratkitten:: I've seen stray dongs in really bad shape -- I don't need to see a picture of it when I'm daydreaming of chocolate-hazelnut goodness
#Kalliopeia:: stray dongs?
Princess Cleolinda:: oh dear
#Kalliopeia:: bahaha
Princess Cleolinda:: oh dear. I think I may die
#Kalliopeia:: aww
ratkitten:: F FUCKING 5!
Princess Cleolinda:: *dies*
#Kalliopeia:: I'm totally not looking at that picture.
#Eris Rising:: If dongs stray, they get in bad shape.
ratkitten:: I did used to work with STDs/HIV, but not quite like that
#sneezydove:: well i figured if i had to see it i should spread the horror around
Instant Skyblade:: She took that thing to a fucking pet psychic
#Eris Rising:: "They named it San Diego...which in German means 'A whale's vagina'"
Princess Cleolinda:: I'm sorry, I'm still over here dying over the stray dongs
#Kalliopeia:: haha
#Kalliopeia:: feral dongs? do they roam in packs?
ratkitten:: that is my most unfortunate typo in a while
Instant Skyblade:: It's not stray, it just needs to get out once in a while
#Kalliopeia:: but it was quite funny, so it's ok.
Princess Cleolinda:: dude, that was totally awesome
#Lady Arayuldaiel:: hee
ratkitten:: yes, they're called frats, Kalli
matrixchick:: that dog... oh my god
#Kalliopeia:: ha!!
Princess Cleolinda:: feral dong... oh, my spleen...
ratkitten:: Nutella, anyone?
#Kalliopeia:: don't rupture anything, cleo
#Lady Arayuldaiel:: nutella...feral dong...oh my god...
ratkitten:: please, no more dongs, domesticated or not
Princess Cleolinda:: oh god, please send help
Princess Cleolinda:: I can't breathe
#Eris Rising:: Does nutella go with a feral dong?
#Eris Rising:: I mean, if it's properly spread?
Princess Cleolinda:: a feral ding-dong, maybe
matrixchick:: that woman is nuts
#Kalliopeia:: you have to trap them first, I think.
#Lady Arayuldaiel:: someone should probably send me help, too
Princess Cleolinda:: (ow, my throat)
matrixchick:: she thinks not doing anything is best
ratkitten:: and the moral of the story -- spellcheck, boys and girls
#sneezydove:: seriously, rws
#Lady Arayuldaiel:: someone's going to metaquote this, right?
ratkitten:: NO
#Kalliopeia:: awwww
matrixchick:: that poor dog
matrixchick:: it's just gonna die
Princess Cleolinda:: but kr... it's so awesome
ratkitten:: yeah
#sneezydove:: well no cause the PET PSYCHIC told her he's just saaaad
Instant Skyblade:: yeah
Princess Cleolinda:: okay, that is not awesome
ratkitten:: were his doggie-thetans pissed or something?
Instant Skyblade:: he's sad because his skin is turning to rock
matrixchick:: pet psychic?
Princess Cleolinda:: someone needs to go rescue that dog
matrixchick:: that poor fucking dog
#Eris Rising:: That dog needs some auditing.
#sneezydove:: "she just missed her string cheese!"
matrixchick:: I'd be afraid to touch it
matrixchick:: ewww
matrixchick:: poor thing
#Kalliopeia:: man, I cannot look at the picture, it'll bring me down for hours, but you're making me curious. but I won't look.
Instant Skyblade:: I seriously think that dog may be beyond help at this point
matrixchick:: like you know... that didn't happen over night
#sneezydove:: exactly
#Lady Arayuldaiel:: lalala. will not click the link. noo.
#sneezydove:: i mean, just LOOK at that
matrixchick:: http://newyorkmetro.com/nymetro/news/cultu..._tomkat_175.jpg
#sneezydove:: fix her or put her to sleep
matrixchick:: this one is better
matrixchick:: tomkat to the rescue
ratkitten:: hook her up to an e-meter! she'll be fine in a few dollars, uh days
#Kalliopeia:: heh
Princess Cleolinda:: heeeeeeee
matrixchick:: that's what I'm thinking KR
matrixchick:: I think she's going to post bills
matrixchick:: or something
matrixchick:: some special treatment
ratkitten:: why are they so scary?
matrixchick:: they're tomkat
Princess Cleolinda:: I'm going to get something to drink, because I hurt
#Kalliopeia:: the nature of the beast
#Kalliopeia:: poor cleo. heehee
matrixchick:: crazy people shouldn't have pets
ratkitten:: but my cats like me?
ratkitten:: can I keep them?
matrixchick:: we're different crazy
#Kalliopeia:: I watch that Animal Cops show sometimes, it's so depressing.
#Kalliopeia:: people are really vile sometimes.
matrixchick:: that person with that dog... is like off her fucking rocker crazy
#sneezydove:: and people are encouraging her!
#sneezydove:: wtf??
ratkitten:: what?
matrixchick:: they're trying to be supportive
#sneezydove:: yeah but that community, they will jump on you if they think you're a bad pet owner
matrixchick:: but I don't believe a vaccine would ever cause that
ratkitten:: has the dog seen a vet at all?
#sneezydove:: like someone said once "i can't afford to take my dog to the vet" and they ripped that person apart
#sneezydove:: i thnk the dog has seen a vet but she doesn't seem to be listening to what he has to say
ratkitten:: vaccines don't do that -- they might cause a very localized reaction, but nothing as horrible as you've described
#sneezydove:: and is instead going to pet psychics and homepathy
#sneezydove:: which, yeah homeopathy is great but not for that
#sneezydove:: an all natural diet is not going to help THAT
Instant Skyblade:: I think she should see a psychic, the kind that blows people's heads up
matrixchick:: stupid people
matrixchick:: lol sky
ratkitten:: how about a firestarter?
matrixchick:: I couldn't stand to look at that if it were my dog
matrixchick:: I'd totally put it to sleep
matrixchick:: I'd feel mean not to
Instant Skyblade:: likewise RWS
Instant Skyblade:: it looks beyond death
ratkitten:: and the thing is that she must be concerned to be posting it around
#sneezydove:: i thinik she loves her dog she's just a fucking moron
ratkitten:: which just makes her prejudice against vets/ medicine even sadder
Princess Cleolinda left
Princess Cleolinda joined
matrixchick:: yeah... moron
ratkitten:: wb
Instant Skyblade:: wb
Princess Cleolinda:: I still hurt
ratkitten:: feeling better, Cleo?
Princess Cleolinda:: hee hee
ratkitten:: feeling psychic, Cleo?
#lezopez joined
Princess Cleolinda:: heeeeeeeeeow
Instant Skyblade:: hey lez
ratkitten:: hey, lez!
#sneezydove:: now i feel bad for bringing such horror to chat
#Kalliopeia:: hi lez
#Lady Arayuldaiel:: hey lez
#sneezydove:: hi lovely!
Instant Skyblade:: I think we should starta thread for feral dongs
#Kalliopeia:: I agree
#lezopez:: Whoo hoo! What horrible things are we talking abou tonight?
#Kalliopeia:: roving packs of feral dongs.
#sneezydove:: you probably don't wanna know
Princess Cleolinda:: stray feral dongs
#lezopez:: feral DONGS?
#lezopez:: isn't that a chinese dish?
ratkitten:: it was a TYPO
Princess Cleolinda:: ow ow ow
ratkitten:: ew
#Lady Arayuldaiel:: eww
Instant Skyblade:: They're rabid
ratkitten:: hee
Princess Cleolinda:: oh, my spleen, it hurts
Instant Skyblade:: foaming at the mouth
#lezopez:: Yes! Im off to a runnign start
#Kalliopeia:: oh jesus
#sneezydove:: i dropped my ipod on the subway the other day, and some guy actually caught up with me to return it
Princess Cleolinda:: whoa
#Kalliopeia:: wow, that was nice
Princess Cleolinda:: you don't see that every day
#lezopez:: Aww!
ratkitten:: fortunately, the spleen is on the vestigial end of the spectrum, as far as vital organs go
#sneezydove:: seriously
matrixchick:: angelina's daughter is gorgeous
ratkitten:: and so tiny!
matrixchick:: maybe a premature ?
ratkitten:: with the most solemn expression
#lezopez:: everything I know about the spleen I learned from the Babysitters Club
#lezopez:: where did you see a pic, RWS?
Princess Cleolinda:: heee
Instant Skyblade:: acually, sneezy drops her stuff so often, you kinda do
#sneezydove:: ...shut up.
#lezopez:: huh
Princess Cleolinda:: go to the Angelina thread
#sneezydove:: that's why i got a dog, she picks up all my stuff anyway
#lezopez:: Ah ok
ratkitten:: now I can't look at "dog" without seeing "dong"
matrixchick:: oh the pics are in the angelina thread
ratkitten:: and that was a bad place to start
#Lady Arayuldaiel:: and I can never think of nutella the same way again, thanks to y'all
#lezopez:: OMG she is adorable
#lezopez:: look at those big eyes
matrixchick:: I love angelina
#sneezydove:: my dong NEVER picks up my stuff
Princess Cleolinda:: mmfdmsmdfmmgh
#lezopez:: guys, youre hurting Cleo
Princess Cleolinda:: spleeeeeen
#sneezydove:: it's tough love
Instant Skyblade:: I hear it's not vital
#Eris Rising:: My dong barks and scratches at the door every night.
#Eris Rising:: I have to take it out to get it to shut up.
Instant Skyblade:: Eris has a toy dong
#sneezydove:: my dong sleeps on my chest
#lezopez:: My dong wont stop pissing all over the floor
#Kalliopeia:: cleo's going to pass out before this is over
#Eris Rising:: No, it's a guard dong.
#Eris Rising:: Specially trained.
matrixchick:: lol
#Lady Arayuldaiel:: oh my god. *dead*
#Eris Rising:: It attacks intruders.
matrixchick:: dong obsession
Princess Cleolinda:: can't breathe
Princess Cleolinda:: dong show!
Instant Skyblade:: You know what really bugs me about my dong?
#Eris Rising:: The fleas?
#sneezydove:: that everyone keeps petting it?
#lezopez:: Its old and doesn't play around much anymore?
Instant Skyblade:: he's always attacking helpless little pussies
#Eris Rising:: Sky wins
matrixchick:: dongs need to be pet
matrixchick:: and stroked with love
#Kalliopeia:: and kept well groomed
ratkitten:: true -- and well trained
matrixchick:: and clean
#Eris Rising:: And given fresh meat
#lezopez:: Skyblade has left me speechless
#sneezydove:: my dong likes it when you rub it underneath
ratkitten:: leash laws, people
Princess Cleolinda:: and neutered... wait
#Kalliopeia:: haha
matrixchick:: dong washing is very important
#lezopez:: Actually my dong is more into fruit
Instant Skyblade:: Bah, their are oils in the dongs
#Eris Rising:: Mine keeps looking at me from under the table and sitting up.
#Eris Rising:: Like it's begging for something.
matrixchick:: everyone should have a dong
matrixchick:: or two
#sneezydove:: dong is man's best friend
Instant Skyblade:: I wanted a dong ever since I was a little boy
#lezopez:: If I only had a dong...
#Eris Rising:: My grandma had numerous dongs.
#Eris Rising:: She bred them.
matrixchick:: lol
ratkitten:: hee
Instant Skyblade:: But they're a big responsibility
#lezopez:: It followed me home... can I keep it?
#lezopez:: I promise to play with it every day!
Princess Cleolinda:: afshgdgj;l
#sneezydove:: my dong had to wear a cone on its head
Instant Skyblade:: It's a new dong with you every where, lez
Instant Skyblade:: You can't keep taking in stray dongs
matrixchick:: this whole chat needs to be metaquoted
matrixchick:: you all realize that right?
Princess Cleolinda:: feral... help...
#lezopez:: But they look so sad until I play with them
#Lady Arayuldaiel:: okay. I'm going to go before my head explodes.
#sneezydove:: then they perk up
#Lady Arayuldaiel:: good night, all
#Eris Rising:: You know, the more you play with dongs, the more wild they get.
#lezopez:: They don't take the leash well though
ratkitten:: night, Lady
#Eris Rising:: They're insatiable.
Princess Cleolinda:: bring back help
#Eris Rising:: Night, Lady
#Kalliopeia:: goodnight lady a
Princess Cleolinda:: can't breathe... please help...
#Lady Arayuldaiel:: good luck, cleo, I'll send 911
matrixchick:: night lady A
#Lady Arayuldaiel left
#Kalliopeia:: I don't know, some of them like the leash. makes them perky and alert.
ratkitten:: training, attention, regular walks... all the requirements for a happy and healthy pet dong
Princess Cleolinda:: oh god that was my keyboard
#lezopez:: It makes some of them kinda depressed though
Instant Skyblade:: Someone should send over a rescue dong
#sneezydove:: wouldn't it be sad if cleo really was having a heart attack and we were just ignoring her?
matrixchick:: no kalli, it's the petting that does that
#Kalliopeia:: well you can only try it out and see
Instant Skyblade:: a dong wonder
#sneezydove:: "but officer! we thought it was part of our game"
#sneezydove:: "our game of dongs!"
Princess Cleolinda:: rescue dong ow help
#sneezydove:: it's a dong eat dong world
#Eris Rising:: You know who really likes dongs? Old people and children.
#Eris Rising:: Show a child a dong, and his face lights up.
#lezopez:: I was so mad when I came home and my dong had ruined my favoriute pair of shoes
Instant Skyblade:: We're so mean to Cleo...throwing her to the dongs
ratkitten:: I like to think that dings see the world through friendly eyes
ratkitten:: uh, eye
Princess Cleolinda:: feral... help...
#sneezydove:: let's let sleeping dongs lie
#lezopez:: OH SNEEZY
#sneezydove:: hmm?
#lezopez:: That one hurt
#sneezydove:: oh.
Instant Skyblade:: Who's the top dong around here anyways?
#lezopez:: Aw guys its raining cats and dongs
#Eris Rising:: That would be me.
Instant Skyblade:: Playing with dongs can be painful if you're not careful
matrixchick:: eris is the top dong
#lezopez:: I perfer smaller dongs
Instant Skyblade:: They don't always know their own strength
#Eris Rising:: Well, you have to be careful of mad dongs.
#sneezydove:: rws is the top dong in my mind
#lezopez:: Bigger ones are too wild
#Eris Rising:: It's a dong eat dong world.
#lezopez:: Oh yes Eris
Princess Cleolinda:: ow
#sneezydove:: hey!
matrixchick:: I don't have a dong
#lezopez:: when they start foaming at the mouth
#sneezydove:: said it already eris!
Instant Skyblade:: Bah, little dongs are barely dongs at all
#lezopez:: You have to be very careful
Princess Cleolinda:: it's kind of... not looking like a word anymore
#Eris Rising:: Oh, sorry.
ratkitten:: but you can keep a little dong in your handbag
Instant Skyblade:: heh, I made that comment already lez
Princess Cleolinda:: but... it still hurts
#Eris Rising:: Hard to keep up with.
#lezopez:: Damnit
matrixchick:: poor cleo
#lezopez:: My dong was begging to be let out
matrixchick:: someone send her a dong to love
#lezopez:: So I missed your comment Sky
Instant Skyblade:: I have a purebred dong
#Eris Rising:: You know, when I take my big dong out for a walk, everyone looks as it pulls me along behind it.
#Kalliopeia:: they're so cute when they beg
matrixchick:: let's all pitch in and get cleo a dong
Princess Cleolinda:: my actual dog just came to check on me. He was actually concerned
#sneezydove:: my dong LOVES to play with other dongs
Instant Skyblade:: Well, obviously you need to pull harder on the dong
matrixchick:: a big big dong
#Eris Rising:: Purebred dongs are kinda skittish
ratkitten:: A dong telethon!
#Eris Rising:: They go off in a second.
#Eris Rising:: Without warning.
ratkitten:: and they can be inbred -- you don't want an inbred dong
Instant Skyblade:: Yeah, I heard some dongs can turn
matrixchick:: premature dongulation
ratkitten:: cause they can be kinda prone to problems
#sneezydove:: aww, my dong is purebred and she's fine
#Eris Rising:: Oh, nothing worse than a dong that turns on you.
#lezopez:: You guys are killing me
matrixchick:: poor lez
#sneezydove:: i've always wanted one of thos dongs with the spots
#Kalliopeia:: can't breathe here
matrixchick:: lez needs a dong too
Princess Cleolinda:: *wheeze*
#lezopez:: No thanks
#lezopez:: I had a dong like ten years older than me today stalk me
#lezopez:: Ive had enough dong
Instant Skyblade:: I think I might have to put my dong to sleep
matrixchick:: no dong for lez, more for us then
#lezopez:: I think Im a cat person
#Eris Rising:: That's sad, Sky.
Instant Skyblade:: Unless he can find a good home
#Eris Rising:: Is your dong sick?
#Eris Rising:: Yeah, dongs can just wither and die without attention.
#Kalliopeia:: put an ad in the paper, sky. I'm sure lots of people will want your dong.
#lezopez:: Well you need to give them a hand, Eris
Instant Skyblade:: He's special dong
Instant Skyblade:: Had him as long as I can remember
#sneezydove:: i want a seeing eye dong
matrixchick:: and stopping a dong dead in its tracks will cause it to explode
#sneezydove:: or a helper dong
Instant Skyblade:: My dong thinks he's people sometimes
matrixchick:: have you heard that rumor?
#Kalliopeia:: Well, interview people, see how your dong responds to them.
ratkitten:: I wanted to get a dong, but I was worried that it my attack my cat
Instant Skyblade:: Keeps getting on the furniture
Instant Skyblade:: asking for handouts
#sneezydove:: my dong likes it when i play with her tail
#lezopez:: Cleo..?
#lezopez:: You alive?
#Kalliopeia:: I think we killed her
Princess Cleolinda:: dffkkljk;l
#sneezydove:: we broke her brain
#Kalliopeia:: we broke MY brain
matrixchick:: who's metaquoting this?
#Kalliopeia:: but it was worth it
#sneezydove:: i cleared chat so i can't
#Eris Rising:: Eh, she's on livejournal. Like anyone will be able to tell the difference.
#sneezydove:: ...dong.
ratkitten:: hee
#lezopez:: I looove ding dongs
#Kalliopeia:: aw, why can't I copy and paste? boo.
#lezopez:: my favorite snack
#sneezydove:: i like the creamy center
#lezopez:: use text mode kalli
#sneezydove:: go to text mode to copy and paste
ratkitten:: text mode
#Kalliopeia:: oh
Instant Skyblade:: which do you like better?
Instant Skyblade:: Police dongs or Fire dongs?
#sneezydove:: fire!
#lezopez:: Fire dongs have spots
#sneezydove:: froggy has spotty dongs
#Kalliopeia:: Ok, this would be a HUGE metaquote though....
Instant Skyblade:: I always liked the golden brown coat of a good police dong
#lezopez:: And they are rather powerful
#lezopez:: Have you guys ever been to a dong show though?
Princess Cleolinda:: put it... put it in a livejournal entry... link to it... help...
Instant Skyblade: It's just old people's dongs, most of the time, lez
#lezopez: the toy dongs are cute but the obstacle course is awesome
#lezopez: I didnt know dongs could have that much stamina

An example of what happens in chat:

Luftballoons: Creepy Virgin Guy texted me again last night
pizzagirl20: Oh?
Luftballoons: like, oh my god, leave me alone.
particle_person: text him back, "Keep your Extra Virgin Penis to yourself."

*regarding my wanting more experienced partners in the future*

Instant Skyblade: But what if they are the secret to your power!
Luftballoons: I find this theory on me gaining power from virginities interesting. I'd like to subscribe to your newsletter.
pizzagirl20: it's like they are your greyskul
pizzagirl20: and by them, you have the power
Luftballoons: what if there are many of us
pizzagirl20: you should start a club
Luftballoons: and we have to combine our rings and then, like, Captain Hymen comes to deliver peace in the Middle East
pizzagirl20: that'd be hot
pizzagirl20: and good for the world

*in the middle of discussing who the "Virgineers" would be*

Instant Skyblade: We need one who's in a wheelchair
Instant Skyblade: we can call him Runny
*later*
Instant Skyblade: He can be...A brit!
pizzagirl20: Runny sounds classier when said with a British accent


Somewhere along the way it was decided that Captain Penis made more sense than Captain Hymen.


The Captain Penis Theme Song

PENETRATE!
LIBERATE!
TACO!
FIRE!
THE ROCK!

GOOO PENIS!

"By your powers combined, I'm Captain Penis!"

Captain Penis, he's our hero,
gonna take virgins down to zero

He's our prowess magnified,
And he's fighting on our side

Gonna help us rend asunder
Intact hymens...and then we plunder!

"You should be paid for this, Captain Penis!"

We're the Virgineers!
You can be one too,
'Cause sexing people up is the thing to do!

Kissing and petting is so yesterday
Let our hands guide you in all the way!

The Sexing is Yours!




Y'all are missing out! Come join us. I changed the name of this thread to reflect the higher non-movie activity in chat nowadays.

*cough*

You too can join us in chat and snark Digging for the Truth!

It all started with Snarryfan talking about her extreme fear of snakes and somehow we took it in an entirely different (and hilarious) direction...

*discover's this thread*

This one's mostly for Kalliopeia, exiledprincess, and Skyblade, who were in on the MG heist.

For the first time ever, one of my LJ icons was inspired by chat. HEE.

We should rename this thread "Kiran and Her Genius Movie Ideas."

Movie 1:

Cynara: dude, I love Robin Wright Penn
Kiran: So do I
Cynara: she just has this dead look in her eyes that KILLS me in red carpet pics
Kiran: shes also genuinelly a great actress. See Nine Lives
Kiran: I feel so bad for her
Kiran: I heard thats why she doesnt act so much anymore. which is a shame because when she does, people like Ebert say shes brilliant
Cynara: now she should divorce penn and go out with George Clooney. THAT is something I could get behind.
Kiran: She should
Kiran: or like take out some hot young hunk for a spin
Kiran: a Shia Lebeouf or soemthing
Kiran: that could be awesome
Snarryfan: or get together with Cary Elwes
Kiran: YES! I'm sorry Cary Elwes non famous wife, but your needs do not match up to those in the ten year old in me!
Cynara: but cary elwes would need to get back in fighting shape
Cynara: not gonna lie
Kiran: we could hire him a trainer
Kiran: and he could win her back
Kiran: and it would be like a rom com, with Sean Penn as the douchey husband. the role he was born to play
Kiran: we could get Cary on Atkins
Cynara: and meryl streep as her awesome best friend
Kiran: It could all come to a climax at the independent spirit awards where Cary punches Sean out for talking to Robin in a bad way
Snarryfan: "DROP YOUR SWORD"
Kiran: we'd have to arrange for his wife to cheat on him and run off and leave him a single dad though....so he can be the least douchiest possible
Kiran: and then they could roll down a hill together
Snarryfan: and Mandy Patinkin can show up and just be awesome, and occasionally burst into song
Kiran: YES! Mandy could sing at the Spirit Awards! a song that means somehting to both of them to push along the reunion
Kiran: or! she could be like "...thank you, Cary." and he could be all "As you wish"
Kiran: And Billy Crystal could show up and wink or something
Kiran: I dont know
Snarryfan: and Carol Kane can hit him
Kiran: And maybe Chris Sarandon can play Sean Penn's equally douchey bff
Cynara: wallace shawn could chuckle and sip coffee
Snarryfan: and Andre the Giant will be...dreaming of large women

I'd watch it!

I need to visit chat more.

Kiran was welcoming Sky back this evening when this happened: