Add Ray Liotta to the DUI roll call.

Ralph's next play is Oedipus Rex. Which you'd think would provide a lesson in the dangers of sleeping with complete strangers (in case they turn out to be your mother...)

Well, hopefully, as long as you keep your road rage in check, and don't get mad and kill a guy for not letting you pass, your mother won't become a widow and available for marriage.

Okay, now I'm just weirded out, because didn't he meet Francesca Annis when he played Hamlet and she played Gertrude?

I'd forgotten that but you're right. No word yet who is playing Jocasta but I hope she knows the score...

Michael Jackson to be sued for "abuse of celebrity status". Sounds like the family do have a genuine grievance but isn't the hospital at fault rather than Jacko? (reluctant though I am to defend him)

They're suing for false imprisonment and conspiracy? That must be an interesting complaint.

Second Lawsuit in Brandy Vehicular Manslaughter Case. The article doesn't mention how much money, though.

Perez Hilton slapped with another copyright infringment lawsuit. This time for posting stolen topless images of Jennifer Anitston.

Paris violated probabtion by driving with suspended license.

Why weren't her headlights on? And who speeds when they shouldn't even be behind the wheel of a car? *face palm*

Seriously, is there anything even remotely positive or uplifting that's even tangentially associated with her? She just seems like the most horrid, corrosive waste of a human being. I can't think of one positive thing to say about her.

I was going to try something along the lines of...at least she didn't shave her head and get tattoos as a cry for help/publicity stunt? But I'm not sure that qualifies.

Now, now. Her existence absolves petty thieves of any guilt they may feel for their ill-gotten towels, tiny soaps, etc. See? Everyone has a purpose.

What baffles me is that incredibly wealthy celebs don't prefer to lie back in their limos watching dvds while someone else drives them around. I thought that was the whole point of being a squillionaire.

You mean we're not supposed to take the tiny soaps out of hotel rooms?