Absurd And Humorous Websites

I'm not even a king! I am William John Cavendish-Bentinck-Scott, the Fifth Duke of Portland:

QUOTE

Having inherited the stately home of Welbeck Abbey, you proceeded to construct miles of underground tunnels and a ballroom, in pink, beneath it. The ballroom was complete except for one small detail. It had no floor. Despite this vast home, you lived exclusively in a suite of five rooms, each one also pink.

[...]

Upon your death, [your cousin] found that, aside from a commode in the centre of your bedroom, the only objects in the whole suite were hundreds of hatboxes, each containing a single brown wig.

I also made my servants, who could not look at me if we crossed paths, ice-skate themselves to exhaustion if they were disobedient.

In modern times, I'd be making $15 million per picture.

QUOTE

You are Joshua Abraham Norton, first and only Emperor of the United States of America!

The Board of Supervisors of San Francisco, upon noticing the slightly delapidated state of your attire, replaced it at their own expense. You responded graciously by granting a patent of nobility to each member. Your death, collapsing on the street on January 8, 1880, made front page news under the headline "Le Roi est Mort". Aside from what you had on your person, your possessions amounted to a single sovereign, a collection of walking sticks, an old sabre, your correspondence with Queen Victoria and 1,098,235 shares of stock in a worthless gold mine. Your funeral cortege was of 30,000 people and over two miles long.

The burial was marked by a total eclipse of the sun.

I WIN.

I'm Nicola Tesla.

QUOTE

Moving to Colorado Springs, you created a machine capable of sending ten million volts into the Earth's surface, which even while being started up caused lightning to shoot from fire hydrants and sparks to singe feet through shoes all over the town. When calibrated to be in tune with the planet's resonance, it created what is still the largest man-made electrical surge ever, an arc over 130 feet long. Unfortunately, it set the local power plant aflame.

Cool...

ETA: A death ray?

Mina - see here. If anyone can truly be called a mad scientist, Tesla's the guy.

ETA: I'm Tesla too.

I'm William John Cavendish-Bentinck-Scott, the Fifth Duke of Portland as well, Auron. Eccentric, (mostly) harmless, and rich.

On the Anonymous Message page I got

QUOTE

Huskies football players facing assault charges
David Hutton, The StarPhoenix
Published: Saturday, December 16, 2006
Two University of Saskatchewan Huskies football players face assault charges following an incident at a local nightclub in October.

with the rest of the article. Thanks, that was...interesting.

I am also Joshua Abraham Norton, first and only Emperor of the United States of America!

The anonymous message that I got:

QUOTE

When I get out of the shower and come back to my room, I pretend someone is in there, waiting to surprise me, but that I don't notice them (even though I know they are there), and I take off my towel and start getting dressed right in front of them, and when they make themselves known I am not ashamed.

OK?

QUOTE

Ponting hates Shaye. Greggles is the Elephant Man.

I think I won the crazy lottery.

I, too, am Joshua Norton. Who just happens to be my favorite historical figure of all time.

ETA: Forgot what I came in here for. This one has been floating around the interwebs for a while, but this is what happens when someone with too much time on his hands ends up wandering into a cybersex chat. Supposedly real. WARNING: NSFW. Includes adult content and cruelty to albinos.

Yeah, he's something like your Jesus isn't he?

You seriously could not make up details more awesome than the actual factual events of Joshua Norton's life. (Though watch Akiva Goldsman try) He once stood in the way of an attack on Chinese immigrants and prayed really loudly until the mob disbanded.